Power Hungry
by tinylexie
Summary: Kahlan thinks about how things would have been different and if she and Darken Rahl had had a daughter instead of a son.


It was not enough for you, Darken Rahl,

That Richard was gone.

You could not be satisfied with that

Because you were too power hungry

To be satisfied with anything

Less than control over everyone.

I was just one of the prizes

Of your conquest over Richard.

I was also your source of power

Since the Boxes of Orden

Had disappeared along with Richard.

You have shown in the past, Darken Rahl,

That you desire a Confessor child.

You once sought my sister's son,

But he slipped out your grasp.

Then, you attempted

To take my Confessor power away from me

And bestow it on yourself.

That plan failed as well.

Now all the Confessors are dead,

Except for me.

I had been the Seeker's Confessor.

Now I have no other choice

But to become your Confessor, Rahl.

You made my choices simple enough:

Either spend my life in your dungeons

Or consent to be your wife.

I could be of no help to Richard

If I was locked in your dungeons.

However, if I gave you your Confessor child,

There would then be a chance

For Richard to come back and defeat you.

I married you, Darken Rahl, for Richard

And for Richard alone.

Shota had told me that a Confessor

Would be needed

In helping to return Richard to our time.

I had been one of your greatest enemies, Rahl.

I had helped the Seeker to fight against you.

I knew that you wouldn't risk keeping me alive.

I may have been your prisoner,

But you had to have known

That I would always remain a threat to you.

You may be cruel, but you're definitely not stupid.

If I couldn't be there for Richard,

I would make sure

That my daughter

Would be ready to help him.

My daughter, not our daughter, Darken Rahl.

Even though I had consented

To be your wife in the flesh,

I would never be your wife in the spirit.

To say that my daughter was our daughter

Would have created a bond between us

That would never exist.

We would always be enemies,

And enemies do not share children.

I could not stop the tear

That fell down my cheek

When you told me

That my child was a boy,

A male Confessor.

I have been taught

What monsters male Confessors become

If they are allowed to live.

Even though I spared my sister's son,

I knew there was no chance

That any good could come

Out of a male Confessor

That was sired by you, Darken Rahl.

I knew that you would influence my son

And take the bloodlust already present in him

And use him for your own dark purposes.

I know that you are not stupid,

But I couldn't believe that you actually thought

That you could control a male Confessor.

A male Confessor cannot be controlled,

Even by evil.

I offered to give you a daughter.

I offered to allow you to bed me again.

I knew that with a daughter

I would have a chance

To make sure

That she would be on Richard's side.

I offered to give you a daughter

Who would dote on her father

In hopes that I would sway you

Away from making a big mistake.

I didn't really want

Any daughter of mine loving you, Darken Rahl,

But in the heat of the moment,

I was just trying to say

What I hoped would be the right words.

My son started to cry.

I tried to be indifferent to his cries,

The cries of a monster;

But at the same time,

I could not forget the fact

That I was his mother.

I had felt him growing inside me.

I had felt his heartbeat.

Then, you told me,

With desperation in your voice,

An emotion

I would have never expected

To hear in your voice,

That you have never held a baby before.

The great Darken Rahl

Had no idea how to stop a baby's cries.

Then, you said, "Please, Kahlan."

You really were not acting like yourself,

And for just that moment,

I was not thinking about how much I hated you,

Or about how much I feared

What my son would become.

My son needed me.

My son needed his mother.

I took my son from your arms

And held him close to me.

He immediately stopped crying,

And a bond was formed between us,

Mother and son.

Even after the birth of my son,

You still allowed me to live.

Not only did you allow me to live,

You also allowed me to raise my son.

I was suspicious of your motives, Rahl,

For I knew that you intended to use my son

For your own dark purposes,

But I found happiness in raising Nicholas

And watching him grow up

Before my eyes.

Being married to a monster like you, Rahl,

Made me miserable,

But Nicholas was a shining beacon

In my constant darkness.

He was my one joy in life.

He gave no signs at all

That he was a monster.

He was generous to others.

He took all my lessons to heart.

It didn't matter

That he wasn't a female Confessor.

Even though I had

My moments of doubt at first,

I grew to have hope

That my son

Would one day help Richard

To return to me,

To return to defeat you, Darken Rahl.

I thought that all was well.

Then, I learned that Nicholas

Had been abusing his Confessor power.

He Confessed a boy

Who didn't want to play his games,

Which included cutting off a finger.

Nicholas was no longer my son.

He was now your son, Darken Rahl.

I had tried to teach Nicholas goodness,

But you had somehow managed

To turn him to the same evil

That ran through your blood.

It also didn't help matters

That Nicholas was a male Confessor.

Between that and being your son, Darken Rahl,

I now had a monster to destroy.

I knew there was no way that Nicholas

Would ever help Richard.

All my years of marriage to you, Rahl,

And all my years of raising Nicholas

Had all been for nothing.

I had failed least I could do

Was to make sure that Nicholas

Was unable to cause any harm

In the time that he was living in.

I stood over your sleeping son, Darken Rahl,

With a knife in my hand.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't kill my little Nicholas.

His face was so peaceful, so angelic.

I couldn't forget that despite the fact

That he was monster filled with bloodlust,

A monster as power hungry

And as evil as his father,

He was still my son.

I had carried him for nine months.

I had given birth to him.

I had raised him.

He was still my son.

The guards came into Nicholas's room

And took the knife away from me.

I was dragged to you, Darken Rahl,

Where you slapped me in anger.

You then slit Alice's throat,

Right in front of Nicholas.

As Alice lay dying,

You told me what a monster I was.

I was the monster?

You were the one

Who had just slit a defenseless woman's throat,

And you dared to call me a monster,

Even as she still laid dying.

You told me that you were willing

To grant me a merciful death, Darken Rahl.

Your voice betrayed no emotion,

But I thought I saw a flicker of something

In your eyes,

A flicker that was not of anger.

It was almost a flicker of sadness, perhaps regret,

But it had to be just my imagination.

You are not possible of regret or remorse.

The threat I presented to you

Had finally become clear.

I had threatened to kill your son,

Your son whose powers

You wanted to use for your own dark purposes.

I was an enemy that needed to be eliminated,

Nothing more.

Nicholas then stood up,

And my own son asked to be the one

Who would kill me.

My own son would be my murderer.

No, not my son, your son, Darken Rahl,

Your power hungry, monstrous son,

Even worse than his father.

If only Nicholas had been a girl.

A female Confessor

Might have been able

To escape your darkness, Darken Rahl.

Or she might not have.

I know that you would have done anything

To ensure that any child of yours

Would be on your side.

But still, a female Confessor

Might have made all the difference.

I might have been able

To lead a female Confessor to helping Richard,

Her father's greatest enemy.

I might have been able

To turn a female Confessor against her father.

There's no telling now.

What's done is done.

I had tried my best,

But it had not been enough.

Nothing I could have possibly done

Could ever turned a male Confessor,

Sired by an evil as great as you, Darken Rahl,

To the side of good.

It had been a lost cause

From the moment that Nicholas had been born.

If only Nicholas had been a girl.

Perhaps things would have been different.

Perhaps I would not have failed Richard.

I can only hope that Richard

Will somehow find a way

To fix all that I had ruined.

I'm so sorry, Richard,

My one and only love.


End file.
